Damn the Freshman 15

Hey kitties!

Check out my adventures at Damn the Freshman 15, now on Word Press!

Wet and wild? Why not?

Wow, it's almost the end of the school year. When I look back, I can say one thing: it's been loopy! Literally. Twists, turns...this year is no Norse saga, but a total Kafka mind-fuck narrative. But I don't think that's a bad thing.

Life is a roller coaster. Me, I hate roller coasters. They give me headaches and dips make me want to puke. But let's look at how a roller coaster works. It has to gain momentum--it takes speed and power and velocity to get through the course. Loops and twists guide the car along. Sometimes, you have no idea where you'll end up (like on those coasters that intersect with a dozen others). But you'll get there...just maybe with a few puke stains.

Just a few loops of this weird year...

Eh, it'll be my summer internship anyway

- I wanted to be an editor at my university's newspaper. I thought it was the natural progression of things. Theeeen I saw my schedule for next semester. Either I drop my plans to study abroad in London, or I take 18 units. I want London. I also know that if I hit an impass between my schoolwork and newspaper, I would choose the newspaper, and my GPA would probably go to hell and I'd be a stressed out cranky bitch the whole semester. Not good!


- I've gone from refusing to eat unweighted nut butter to having 8 unopened jars of the stuff, and 6 jars chilling out in my pantry. I've also learned that peanut butter and meat are forbidden lovers.

- Not too long ago I was an e-book downloading-aholic. Now, this summer, I'm going to be co-writing my own! More details to come on that little project, but let's just say I'm really looking forward to it!

- I've gone from being chained by my own disordered thoughts to being able to help people before they stumble onto that path, thanks to my work with a youth-oriented fitness studio.

Life really is just like a roller coaster. You need the momentum and drive to get started, but once you have that, watch out! You're unleashing yourself on a journey. You made the decision to get on, now it's going to carry you through a mind-bending series of twists and turns. Eventually, you reach the end of the ride...even if it's in a vastly different state than when you started.

Life goes in loops. But the catch is you have to live life. Without that initial push, der Wille zur Macht, you won't get to life's interesting twists and turns. You just stall out, caught on a ramp and waiting for a cherry-picker.

What are some weird twists and loops in your life?


I've been on a few culinary adventures too!

Remember how I rhapsodized over Pure Food & Wine's Hot House Lasagna? Well, I made some myself! It came out damn good...not quite as good as Sarma's, but my roomies approved! Now I just have to get better at foodie construction, because my lasagna did not look quite as pretty as this:


I also made this super awesome soup: Zucchini Soup with Crushed Pistachios. It's delicious! I HIGHLY recommend it.

Lastly, I made a totally awesome Coconut-Mango Curry Risotto with the ever-awesome Sophia! Ok, I brought some of the ingredients and provided the intellectual and verbal stimulation needed to get her through half an hour of stirring--but if that risotto didn't get stirred, it wouldn't have been risotto!

I'm also making a list of random-ass ingredients I want to get when I go home, to play with in my kitchen. So far...

- Coconut Flour (inspired by Allie and HEAB!)
- Almond Flour
- Hemp seeds

Anyone got any ideas for ingredients that are fun to play with? It can be anything!

I'm also psyched about getting a Vita Mix and a decent digital camera when I get back.

Aaaaand, I have my apartment sorted out!

This summer is going to be a roller coaster...but hopefully I'll be able to hold my cookies!

From this grill-loving omnivore's perspective, "raw bars" have always struck me as a bit odd. Processing the unprocessed? Making food more convenient than an apple and a baggie of nuts? Regardless of what I think, raw bars are becoming more popular by the day. Some, like their granola bar ancestors, are desserts dressed up as snacks, while others are a solid on the go munchie. A few well known brands are Larabar, Pure Bar, and Raw Revolution.

Well, these three should pay attention. RawWay, a new bar whipped up by a mama in Michigan, delivers a solid line of raw food bars that in many ways edge out the competition.

RawWay bars come in five flavors: Berry, Lean Green Crunch, Apple Pie, Cinnamon Almond, and Banana Bread. I had the fortunate opportunity to sample all of them.

I have a problem with some raw bars--namely, they go down fast and sit heavy. For example, Larabars are tiny but the time I munched one before a workout have left me feeling like I was trying to do my weight routine around a giant brick. If a food's going to be heavy, I want to be aware of it before it suddenly expands in my stomach like those water-growing Steve Spangler Giant Dinosaurs.


What I love most about all the RawWay bars is the texture. These aren't Powerbars with flecks of nuts (ahem, like a few other raw bars I know). I like my chew and my crunch! Alternatively, they aren't rock-hard slabs of agave-glued nuts. Instead, the nuts are a little softer than normal, but still retain crunch, while the fruit base provides solid chew. So, you don't snarf it down in two bites and wonder why it feels like you just ate a cup of raisins. Beyond slowing you down, the texture is much more satisfying than a smooshbar. As well, I did not find RawWay bars to sit as heavy in my stomach as other ones I've tried.

Another neat thing is that RawWay bars don't shy away from lots of ingredients; they just happen to all be whole and organic. Instead of just using one nut and a bunch of dates, RawWay bars use flax seed, almonds, dates, raisins, walnuts, and sunflower seeds, which give them a unique taste and wider nutritional profile.

Onto the sampling!


The Berry Bar was pretty standard in terms of taste. Not bad at all (considering fruit and nuts are tasty by themselves) but not quite rapture to my tastebuds. What made this bar stand out more so than pure taste was the satisfying texture. It's kind of close to the original Larabar, but I would say it edges it out.

The Apple Pie was the biggest disappointed. Not because it tasted bad, but because it was merely good when it could have been excellent. The mixture of crunch and chew and the sweet-tart apple were all perfect...but it needs more cinnamon! I couldn't help but feel just a bit more spice would have made this bar superspecialawesome. Still, it's far from bad.

The Cinnamon Almond was excellent. It sounds simple, and it is, but sometimes simple is best. This bar tasted like a nutty cinnamon cookie, but made even better by the texture.

The Lean Green Crunch was definitely the most interesting, as well as my second favorite. It's made with spirulina, giving it a green tinge. You don't taste much of the spirulina, at least in any way that would be considered bad. Essentially it tastes like a slightly more herbal Cinnamon Almond, which means it tastes really good.

Now we get to my favorite, the Banana Bread. Labels don't lie--this bar is like a piece of banana bread, something I am addicted to. More so, because it has that delightful mix of crunch and chew, it's a pleasure to simply eat. I love banana bread, but who's with me with saying it's always better with walnuts? It's the crunch, I tell you!

What makes RawWay bars superior to many other bars is also the nutrition. RawWay bars, because they have a higher nut-to-fruit ratio, have higher protein--making them good by themselves as a well-rounded snack. Each bar contains around 6 grams of protein, except for the Lean Green Crunch, which dishes out a solid 9 grams. Ok, by my weightlifting standards that's not a huge amount, but it's much better than the wussy 3-gram bars you typically find. Plus, it's all natural--no supplemental protein powders added.

For those curious, here is the Banana Bread label:

RawWay bars taste good by themselves, but also taste great crumbled over yogurt, for a chewy granola. Being a heat-loving heathen, I warmed one up a little bit in the microwave before eating, and it tasted lovely.

Overall, RawWay bars are definitely one of the best bars out there. I really hope this company expands, because these bars trump a good chunk of the Whole Foods Wall of Bars.

As you all might remember, I was on Catalina Island last weekend. It was a fraternity invite! Really, it was one of the funnest weekends I've had in YEARS! My camera was broken, so very limited pics, but it was lovely.

This trip also made me realize something. I seem to never act my age. I'm 19, but tend to interact more with older people. I think way more about professional pursuits. When I see a coffee shop, I think "Gee, that would be a great place to get some work done" instead of "Mmm...latte and catching up with friends."

Growing up, I was never really in my age bracket. I always remember feeling detached from my peers, and more easily able to connect with older people. When I was younger, this was almost a mark of pride. "I'm just mature!" Now, I just think I was poorly socialized.

We need to go through our ages. I don't think you are fully prepared for the world without the experience of progression. For example, most people who know not to get totally shitfaced and barf all over their bathroom know this because they gulped down to many New England ice teas. They know it far more painfully than someone who has simply read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.

That's not to say that all 19 year olds are retarded party whores. While my weekend did feature alcohol and parties, here are a few other scandalous activities we indulged in!


- Exploring Avalon
- Kicking it on the beach
- Hanging out with new and fun people!


- Dragging our comforters and blankets out onto the patio to watch movies


- Big brunches as too-tiny tables (with a few sips of mimosa cuz we're classy)


- Sampling huge-ass candy apples (the guy I was with split one with me--it was a caramel-covered beast swathed in Butterfinger!)

Actual apples from the shop!

After much tedious hesitation and hemhawing, I decided to go balls-out and post something I never thought I would ever see. Me in a bikini. In public. For the first time ever.

Psst, I'm the one who's not Asian or male.

And Operation Bulk-Up is now to be accompanied by Operation Six-Pack. 

This weekend also reaffirmed my belief that one of the best things for those of you with food issues is just to go out and eat with friends. Really. Your friends will poke fun at you if you deliberate on a menu too long, and you're less likely to pay attention to grease dots if you're engaged in merry conversation.

I also sort of smacked around another eating hangup I have. Alcohol. I grew up always tasting the good stuff, so cheap-ass dorm room vodka (I'm looking at you, Prestige) is kind of repulsive to me, but when I first started to lose weight, I swore off the bubbly. After all, alcohol is not only high calorie, but it forces your body to stop working and metabolize the crap you just put in it. When I went on Wellbutrin, I was told I could not imbibe and frankly, it was damn fine with me.

I still am not a raging boozer, but I acknowledge that it's silly to be afraid of a beverage. Well, this weekend featured a 3-hour open bar. Midori Sours for the win!

Did I ever say I didn't like girly-as-hell cocktails?

There was no topless dancing Mimi, but I did get a bit more than tipsy. Not a routine thing, definitely, but it was nice to just do collegey things once in awhile. Still, if I'm going to consume illegal substances (I'm 19, remember), I'd rather just smoke some pot. I feel the same and weed doesn't give me the spins after a few hours. Yeah, I just said that on a healthy living blog, bite me. 

And of course, it's the people you're with who make vacations truly memorable.


Anyway, that was my weekend!

Eh...I still like my flowers.

Not in the Easter Basket of l33t chocolate lovers.

People also love to smirk and talk about how healthy their little indulgence is. Yeah, sure. Just like red wine, there are antioxidants and whatnot in chocolate--but do not tell me for a second that thoughts of polyphenols are going through your mind as you lick the splotches off your fingers. My point is, enjoy your damn chocolate because it tastes good, stop trying to justify it with good health.

I do like chocolate, and I like it dark. But more so than pure chocolate, I like chocolate flavored things like ice cream, more so than chocolate itself. So it takes a lot for a chocolate to really wow me.

And want to know a really good chocolate? Fine & Raw Chocolate.

Fine & Raw, as you may guess, is primarily made from cacao (raw chocolate). Cacao is believed to be higher in antioxidants and whatnot, and is a very good source of magnesium. But while some raw food companies take the "hear us RAW!" business kind of seriously. Fine & Raw, however, prefers to "save the world through silliness and chocolate." I say, if it makes for good chocolate, bring on the silliness.

Fine & Raw was kind enough to send me three samples: the Blueberry Bar, the Vanilla & Lucuma Bar, and the BonBons.


The Blueberry Bar is a dark chocolate bar with an underside studded with tiny blueberries. This was my favorite of the three samples. Typically, I don't like fruit-laced chocolate...it just tastes kind of medicinal, and completely different from chocolate-covered fruit, which is awesome. So imagine my surprise when I was trying to refrain from gobbling down the whole bar. The blueberries, sweet and but slightly acidic, were the perfect balance to the tart darkness of the chocolate. The chocolate itself, however, is much creamier than most dark chocolates, especially raw ones.


The Lucuma & Vanilla Bar, on the other hand, was my least favorite--which is not to say I did not like it. It is definitely a high-quality chocolate. However, while the site describes it as having "notes of bread pudding, toffee apple and burnt caramel." I've never tasted pure lucuma before, but I certainly got the burnt notes. It's not unpleasant, but it's a bit harsher than I would like. However, it tastes much better when put into things--I put one stick of it into a vanilla-cinnamon protein shake and talk about YUM. But for plain munching, it's not my favorite.


Lastly, the BonBons. Wow. These are nuggets of chocolaty awesome. The BonBons are extremely chewy--almost stick-to-your-teeth chewy. But the chewiness isn't accompanied by that cloying ubersweetness of some chewy chocolates. These nibbles pack a wallop of dark chocolate power, but it's tasty, not cheek-stinging. I really liked these!

In short, Fine & Raw makes a fantastic line of chocolate, and this comes from someone who does not bow to  a god of cacao. The fact it's super healthy, unprocessed chocolate is a nice perk, but really, I still consider chocolate to be candy, and I don't eat candy for the health benefits. It's just nice to know I'm getting a few antioxidants along with some nippy, rich chocolate. 

Happy Easter everyone! I'm not very religious, but I went with a roommate and her two friends to a Pentecostal service. It was very enjoyable! Jesus got air-lifted off the stage, the singers had some great pipes, and the bishop delivered a very good sermon (is that the Pentecostal term?)


For a quick recap, I was raised Catholic and attended a Catholic all-girls' school. From an early age though, my parents were a bit too zealous in enforcing religion for my naturally rebellious child self. Meanwhile, I've always had an academic interest in religion, and find the subject of the Bible and world religions fascinating.

Nowadays, I view well-done church services as an enjoyable experience. An inspiring message is an inspiring message, whether you view the source as solid truth or an influential story.

Afterwards, we hit up a soul food place my roomie liked. It's been years since I've had traditional Southern soul food. YUM.

Chicken, collards, cabbage, red beans, and cornbread. 

Soul food seems so simple--you got your greens, yams, chicken, cornbread, and it's all so satisfying. But really good soul food has a kick. It smacks your tastebuds, giving you that savory twang that makes you keep eating...aka tear through a plate of collard greens like it was candy.

It has a spark. I think that spark, in any cuisine, is what separates good food from great food, savory from umami. I consider myself a decent enough cook, but sometimes it seems like no matter what I do, I can't quite get a dish to pop, and must settle for something good rather than great. It's the really great cooks who add a pop to whatever they prepare--you can't quite place it, but it digs into your tastebuds and stays with you long after you've licked the crumbs off your plate.

What do you do to make your dishes pop?

Life has its own pops and sparks. Cars, after all, operate through a series of explosions. Many people view progress as an ascending angle, but I think the real progress happens in sudden bursts. For example, I will suddenly meet a new contact for freelance. Suddenly, I meet 3 more. It might be over a month before I meet anyone else, but in one fell swoop I got a bunch of 'em. But sparks can be anything, for different people.  Sparks can be people--that person who completes you, or that person who makes you realize that you have to change something that's slowly destroying your life. Sparks can be passions--that first time the narrative you casually scrawled wins a prize and you realize you want to fill the world with stories.

Sparks also can give you a kick in the ass. When motivations wander or run low, sometimes it takes a pop to get you back on track.

For example, last week I was jogging with Sophia, and we were catching up on life. This coming weekend I'm going to Catalina Island. I'm stoked, but  need to buy a swimsuit. To Mimi, queen of Chubby Kid Syndrome, this concept is scary as fuck. Normally I'd never even consider buying a bikini, but I know I have body perception issues, and decided to just go for it and buy one.

For those curious, this is my future beach companion.

Anyway, Sophia replies "You're going to have to put on a few more pounds."

It might be true, but the sheer strangeness of this comment compared with media at large was a total what-the-fucker. I mean, think of any "Dear Abby" bikini segment in any women's or girls' magazine. Of all bikini problems, do any seem to involve gaining weight?

Lo' and behold, it arrives in the mail, and it's all true. While overall I think I look pretty dang cute in it, I'd look better if I had more meat on my bones--some to cover my jutty shoulders, and to give some substance to my legs, which have a bit of that "Holy shit you tried to starve us we are NOT getting rid of this!" jiggle.

Very much a spark. I need to refocus on gaining weight. I've been distracted lately, and not really thinking about consciously eating more than I need. So it's good sparks are there to give you a zap in the right direction.

But you have to look out for them. Unlike cars, life has no automatic transmission; it's all manual, baby.

Maybe it's because it's Easter, a time for resurrection, and the ultimate song of spring, but I'm thinking of past sparks. The dress I'm wearing in the pictures is one I bought last summer, so that I could cover parties for my internship. It was during the summer that I received a damn many sparks. Not all of them were good, either, but a few made me aware of just how bad things could get.

So, in a way, it's not the same dress as the summer. After all, it's spring time. I'm a lot happier wearing it now than I was back then.


So, what are the biggest sparks in your life?